if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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