After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
