You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
