Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I would ride that face into the sunset
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize