WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
