I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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