So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Randomize
