Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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