I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
