We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
