pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
