i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
