i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
