never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
