and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
