I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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