New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
