apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
