I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
