no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
