i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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