College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
