She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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