it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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