My Higher Power is John Stamos
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
