Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
