I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
