1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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