She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
