Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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