Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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