I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
