If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
