Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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