I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize