it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
