They should really pass out barf bags in church
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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