Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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