I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found your dick twin last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
