ugly people sure do ruin things
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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