no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
