sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
