i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
