i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
