dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I believe in your delicious
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
