Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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