This is not my ceiling
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it glows. i had to have it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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