Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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