if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
