I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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