drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
