there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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