we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The Olympian is in my bed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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