I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
