Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
