please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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