was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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