Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
