S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
