Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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