Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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