I need help removing her.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
