Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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