were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
