Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
