we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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