thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
