I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
